Jul. 19th, 2017 10:20 am
suzy_queue: (Diana: Sea)
[personal profile] suzy_queue
My body is falling apart this week. I'm on my period, so I know my asthma is worse. And it got hot again, which isn't hasn't been doing much of. And though I try to pretend I am not allergic to the world, I am. It's not something you can handwave away.

Which is all to say I've had four asthma flare-ups and one bad attack, all in the last four days. Two of them were on Monday, just walking to work. NOT COOL.

Last night, 5 of us from the department went out to a new restaurant in town. It was a marvelous evening, we all had such a good time. The library is a frozen tundra lately (also probably a contributing factor to me), so we asked to eat outside. I should not have decided that. But it was warm without being hot, and it was quite nice out there! And then I ordered a goat cheese flatbread. I ate very little of it, as unicorn J had ordered us five appetizers and we wanted the ice wine lemon dessert, but still, I am allergic to cheese. (It was good, though.)

And the dessert was amazing. J and I split it, which was perfect, and totally shared moments over it's deliciousness. It was quite funny. And then two of the Js walked back to the library, and unicorn J and I took our favorite winding way back. And about 3/4 the way there, I actually had to take a break and lean against a tree to try and breathe. And then I made it to a bench outside the library, to take my inhaler and get my breathing back. And then had to sit at the library. And then got dizzy in the bathroom. It was awful. I think I scared J. I let her drive me home, and I turned on the a/c for the first time all summer and read while drinking warm tea. It took hours to stop being shaky and get my breathing back under control.

I emailed in last night that I'd come in late so I could rest. Today is our gardening program, and it's so important to me to go. But it's hot and a bad air quality day, so I am having to plan carefully. A bottle of water, not cold. Spray bottle of water, cold. Damp fabric to breathe deeply through occasionally. A hat. My coolest dress. Driving all this week, no more walking. Finding chances to sit. Keeping my inhaler with me. Driving home straight after and resting.

I do not do well as the sick person. I much prefer taking care of people. I hate having to carefully plan my outdoors. Limits not decided by me suck. And I'm disappointed that there's no way I can see Field of Dreams outside on the big screen this week. I knew I'd be taking a risk with mosquitoes, a big allergy trigger, but with the high grass pollen and my response last night to being outside for two hours, I just can't. And I'm sad about that. :(

Also, I think I really scared J last night, and I feel bad about that. But man, I am SO GRATEFUL she was there. I would have gotten through it okay, but it would have been so much harder and so much scarier to be alone. A would have driven me home after I'd made it to the library, but there would have been waiting and stress and J was a very calming influence. And all that after she paid for our entire bill, all the apps and our dinners and our pitcher of sangria. I need to buy her her favorite gummies, and try to win the fight of buying the next few meals. I'll sneak them in somehow!

Time for some self-care yoga, totally non-strenuous or taxing. Because that's how I roll these days.

(no subject)

Jul. 19th, 2017 03:12 am
nopseud: (brian -- pensnest)
[personal profile] nopseud
I think this might finally be the year that I request Brian/Justin for SeSa.

And I have a prompt, too!

Okay then

Jul. 16th, 2017 01:03 pm
suzy_queue: (Kate Kane: AAGPBL)
[personal profile] suzy_queue
Last weekend ended up exhausting and totally awesome. I went to my colleague's wedding, as planned. I got there just before 3pm---and stayed until 10pm. My mother kept texting, How was the wedding? And I kept answering, Still here! And I was actively social--talking and chatting and telling stories and singing Broadway numbers (White Christmas, Sound of Music, etc)and storytime songs with the others, plus lots of comic book and movie debate. I think it would have been perfect if I'd left around 9 instead, when I was still feeling good, rather than at 10, when I'd crossed over into dizzy and nauseous from exhaustion and collapsed right into bed upon returning home, ha. But it was a good day.

It was a lowkey, chill affair in coworker unicorn J's backyard, officiated by her husband. Half the guests were the grooms' friends from college, and the other half of us were from the library, ha. Half the librarians were Hufflepuffs and half were Slytherins, it was great. J and I walked to the liquor store at one point and got several compliments because were were both in yellow, which is not a common sight! And no, no family members of the grooms--there was some resistance from both families, for a variety of reasons, including that my colleague is trans. Families were told after the ceremony and brief honeymoon, so we've all been waiting to post our pics until the okay is given. But we all looked cute, especially the grooms!!

H cried the entire time, which he wasn't expecting. F is a lovely, very relaxed guy who was fun and easy to talk with. Both wore flower crowns and matching silver waistcoats with their bowties being their respective house colors (green for H and blue for F). One of the guests was on a 30s kick and showed up in a 30s skirt suit she had sewed herself and was amazing. I had one drink the entire time, a Lavender Brown special with lavender lemonade and whiskey, and it was utterly delightful.

I spent most of it with library staff, but not even the ones I would have assumed. I even had a great time with A there, which was a surprise. There was definitely work gossip, as I shared some stories we'd protected parttimers from for years, and A shared current info about our disintegrating IT department. And the aforementioned singing. Really, lovely day.

But then I went from crashing, into work on Sunday. I gave myself Sunday morning off with no expectations, reading with coffee and classical music and coffee, and that helped. I was able to be as on and sparkly as I needed at work, and then did nothing on Monday, too. It was necessary recharging time.

And then I finally sent A the break-off text. She was really sweet about it, said she'd thought that was where I was heading, she was about to do the check in text, and thanked me for initiating the hard conversation. But she also said she was disappointed and sad because she'd really liked me, and she needed to think about the possibility of becoming friends instead. Which in turn made me sad, because I think she would be a good friend, and also I really hate disappointing people and making nice people sad. :(

So, not quite sure what to do now. I guess return to okc? But so many matches live in the city, and that's really just not going to work for me. I need cool ladies in the suburbs. But not the suburb I live and work in, because that sets my privacy/boundary senses tingling. There wsa a bi ladies meet up group that had a meeting at the bar down the street a few times earlier this year, I guess I am hoping that they schedule another one there.

It's hard. I want to put myself out there, but also I don't, and why can't this be easy? LOL I know, life doesn't really work like that. It's okay.

At the wedding, H asked if I had even a flash of wanting to get married during the ceremony. She had, to her surprise. I didn't, really. I was super happy for them. It made me imagine a wedding, but that's really just the big party. I would, at some point, like to have a big party. But not necessarily a marriage.

Field of Dreams is playing in the park next week after work, and I really, really wanted to go to that. But I really wanted someone to go with me to that. My one coworker agreed, but then backed out to see another movie at the planetarium instead. I guess I will try another. It would have been a fun date with someone, though. If only things with A hadn't started a week or two later? Or earlier so I had a chance to meet someone new, ha. Oh, well. We'll see what happens!

Hello, Doctor!

Jul. 16th, 2017 12:29 pm
suzy_queue: (Holtzbert: Arm in Arm)
[personal profile] suzy_queue
Well, I had plans for this weekend. It's my second full weekend off this month, which never ever happens. I was going to be productive! Tackle my car trunk, turn on my old computer and figure out how to backup iTunes, check the emails that won't load on this new one for some reason, build my terrarium, go see Spiderman. Instead, yesterday, I read two books and sort of watched The Knick, which my assistant manager highly recommended. (Wasn't quite my style, but I was fascinated by the 1900 medical procedures and the women.) I walked down two blocks to pick up my prescription and some milk and ended up dizzy and exhausted. Thanks, period. I still want to see Spiderman today, but I have some fears that my period could make me very sick, and I'd hate to be 1.5 miles away and have to walk home. So I guess we'll see how that goes.

Today's productivity got a bit derailed when I slept until 10 (10!!!!) and then realized that Wimbeldon was over and the 13th Doctor had been revealed. Like, actually with almost perfect timing. I hopped on my computer to see when it would be over and the news had been released six minutes earlier.

It's no surprise that my dream had been Hayley Atwell, and that I'd been excited by a few other of the rumored people: Olivia Coleman, David Harewood, etc. But when I saw the headline, "The new Doctor is a woman," my heart stopped. I honestly thought it was a joke. I'd wanted it, there had been such a push for it, but they wouldn't really do it, would they?

They did. And my God, I am so giddy. I just keep randomly grinning and refreshing twitter and seeing such cute fanart of our new Doctor and getting more giddy. I'm a huge fan of Broadchurch, and I am thrilled with Jodie Whittaker's casting. She's such a great actor, and I think she's going to bring so much to the character. I can't wait to see her costume. I can't wait to see her in action.

I remember being at work for Matt Smith's casting, refreshing websites constantly, waiting for the news to break. I remember being downstairs at my parents, watching the BBCA special that ended with Peter Capaldi coming out for the announcement and instantly feeling that he was my perfect Doctor. I'm a little sad Jodie didn't get the same sort of welcome, but honestly, just the news is enough.

I really am going to miss Capaldi--I've loved him in the role, even if I haven't loved all the stories told. But I am so excited for what is to come. And I'm so excited that it's an actress my mom knows--she says she's actually looking forward to watching the Christmas special with me! Normally I either have it on and she whines and complains even as she gets sucked in, or I have to go watch alone in another room. But this year she says we'll make popcorn and tea. She also loved that 50th anniversary tv movie about the launch of Doctor Who and is looking forward to seeing David Bradley as the First Doctor again. It's going to be so awesome. <3

So, yay! Happy fandom times. It's also the one year anniversary of the new Ghostbusters, so there's been a lot of fic and a bit of a graphics resurgence on twitter, which is fun. I signed up for h/c bingo, and think I can manage a GB series out of it, which will be fun. Still waiting to hear if femslashex will go on this year with a new mod.

Disney Expo really had some big news this year. I am utterly gutted at the loss of The Great American Movie Ride at Hollywood Studios, especially since it's being replaced by a Mickey and Minnie ride that isn't even classic. Epcot seems about to lose MouseGears, the biggest and best gift shop, as well as Club Cool with all the Coke flavors from around the world, and that royally sucks, too. I buy SO MUCH at Mouse Gears. The new rides sound fun, and the new look for Future Land does look nice and futurey, so I guess we'll see what ends up going where. Seems like there will be massive, massive changes almost everywhere for our next visit, in/after Dec 2018.

I am also intrigued by the Infinity War trailer reports, including Bucky fighting in the Wakandan Army. I am very glad he is awake, but I also feel like that should be a big plot point (much like his decision to enter cryofreeze should not have been a mid-credits moment), and it will probably also be glossed over. Unless he's in Black Panther? Also, you know, Cap in full beard. Bet Chris Evans loved that. It sounds really chaotic and wild, and I generally trust the Russos, so we'll see.

We finally, finally hit the midpoint of summer reading yesterday. I can't quite conceive that. I think that August is going to be a little painful. (We usually end around August 1. This year, August 24. Oy.) Programming continues to be delightful and fun and social justicey. I'm already having to be deep into planning October and November, which occasionally makes me confused as to where in the year I truly am.

Reading and work. I think that's essentially all I am doing right now. And yoga. Which means things can crosspost again, which is a side benefit. I won't lie, I miss comments, ha.

One of my coworkers has a Passion Planner, and I rather like its set up. Does anyone else use one? I printed off a few pages to give it a whirl before shelling out for an actual one, to see if I'll use it. I see it less for work and more for my personal life and therapy goals more than anything.

I guess I should start tidying, maybe build my terrarium. Next Spiderman is in an hour, which seems unlikely. But maybe the one after that? Or maybe I could finally choose a damn pattern for my Anne of Green Gables quilt--I've been super caught up in choosing The Perfect Pattern, easy but not too easy, period looking without being too fiddly and complicated for my skill level and also suiting my fabric. I'm thinking maaaaaaaaybe log cabin? Augh. I don't know. So many choices!

Oh, also, it is Christmas movie marathon week on Hallmark. Totally time to tune in and enjoy that. <3


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